It's a Love Hate Thing
Updated: Mar 22, 2022
Today is beautiful and exciting and sad…
It is so beautiful at the Horsetooth Reservoir. The water ripples with the brisk wind as the sun warms me from a cloudless sky. I watched Arden walk off down the trail and saw a man straighten his back and capture his future through the lens of his camera. He has a confidence in being alone with nature that squares his shoulders and makes him look even taller. He looks at home.
But as he walks around the bend of the trail, he disappears from my sight and I look at the trail I can no longer take. I grip the handles of my walker and swallow tears as my adrenaline thumps against my chest wanting to keep going. I am so mad at my body. I don’t want to stop but know I can’t go on. I quietly head to a rock I can wait on and pray my walker and ever widening body isn’t blocking anyone’s pictures. I love and hate this.